heavy.hearted

I don’t write a lot of heavy stuff on this blog. Quite honestly, I don’t feel like we’ve had a lot of “heavy” in our lives. We’re fairly easy-going people, and I try not to be too dramatic {although I have 4 daughters…they’re bound to bring us a bit of drama from time to time}.

In all seriousness, though, Josh and I have coasted along quite well. That being said, our family members and friends have experienced a whole lot of heaviness in the last nine days. I can honestly say that I don’t recall this amount of personal heartache in such a short amount of time…ever.

Last Monday, our friend Eric was admitted to the hospital after being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. On Friday, it was re-diagnosed as Acute Lymphatic Leukemia {which is a much bigger hill to climb}.  He's not even 40 and has 6 young children.

Last Tuesday, my friend Shel delivered a precious baby girl with Anencephaly. Sweet Delia Jean breathed on her own for a little over an hour, and then made her way safely into the arms of Jesus.

On Thursday, my sister Jill was told that her unborn baby had no heartbeat. 

Needless to say, I’ve prayed a lot in the last week. I am willing to go so far as to say that I don’t think I’ve ever prayed more diligently during any other 8 day stretch.  

I don’t find it surprising that these events change the people that are intimately involved. How could they not?  Words like cancer, anencephaly, and miscarriage are not taken lightly.

What continually amazes me is how much I am changed by observing these events from the other side of the fence.  I find myself squeezing my girls just a little bit tighter. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve held Olivia this week and truly given thanks for the fact that I have a perfectly healthy baby in my arms. Even when she’s crying, I’m not irritated. She’s here…right here…ready to be held, fed, loved, and enjoyed.

I was looking at a picture from my wedding day yesterday, and I was thinking about all of the things that I didn’t know 9 years ago.  That girl in the picture had such little experience with true love, deep relationships, true joy, and true sorrow. Don’t get me wrong…she had seen them; she was simply inexperienced on the whole.

Jackie {age 32} is being refined on a daily basis just a little at a time {praise the Lord, indeed}. I’m certainly no fan of the tears, sorrow, and heartache that accompany difficult seasons of our lives. However, I’m thankful for the way that it causes me to mature, prioritize, and grow into the woman that the Lord wishes for me to become.

Loss and sorrow are inevitable and unavoidable.  On the bright side, for those of us in Christ, so is joy...inevitable and unavoidable.  Thank you, Lord, for this.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

And this is where I find my comfort and my prayer.