So, I've been thinking so much about this baby lately. Last night I was longing to hold our little one in my arms and trying to remember what it's like to hold a newborn.
I was thinking about how hectic life will be in our household when there is one more little person that is vying for my attention. But what's new? He or she will be the most needy and the least needy all at the same time (at least for a few months).
As I sat on my couch last night, I thought about how Claire and Meredith will be constantly wanting to hold the baby (which I'm sure I won't really mind too much), but I also thought about the time after the girls go to bed. I thought about one-on-one time with my new little bundle and pictured him or her curled up on my chest just snoozin' away (mouth open, of course).
Being that this is most likely our last baby, I have mixed emotions about everything. On one hand, I'm thrilled to know that in a year my body will be all mine for good. No one will stretch my torso skin waaaaaay bigger than seems humanly possible. No one will wake me every single night to eat. I won't have to diaper bottoms. I won't have to look at a high chair in my kitchen. I won't have to lug around a baby carrier or a stroller. These things I will not miss.
I will, however, miss this incredible feeling of having a child inside of me. It truly is the most miraculous thing I have ever experienced. I wish I could bottle up the "feeling" of carrying a child. But I can't.
I find it extremely interesting how I can read back through my blog posts and recall memory after memory and emotion after emotion. But someone kicking me and rolling around inside of me? In a couple of months, I'll quite possibly never live it again. And there are no words for me to write that will bring me back to where I am today.
Last Sunday, I had one of my photographer friends come over and take maternity pictures of me. I've wanted them for all of my other pregnancies, but we never found the time to get them done (for some reason, we always seem to be in the midst of crazy times in our life when I'm pregnant). I vowed to do it this time!
I haven't seen any of them yet, but I'm just so thankful to have gotten them taken. I think between my last 3 pregnancies, I have a total of about 5 pictures of me pregnant. I didn't want to let this one pass me by! Even if I can't remember how I felt, at least I'll be able to remember how I looked.
Thinking back to my other pregnancies, I don't recall my other babies being this active in the womb. I'm not sure if I don't remember correctly or if this baby is just more active. I also remember getting almost a sick feeling at times when my other babies would move around so much, which isn't the case this time. Maybe I'm getting more tolerant in my old age. :)
I had to laugh when I saw my pregnancy ticker say this week, "Soon I'll be too big to move as much as I can now." I'll be surprised if this baby slows down too much!
Being pregnant with baby #4 has been the sweetest experience to share with my girls. They have loved (and that's putting it lightly) feeling the baby move. All 3 of them will crowd around me if I mention any movement at all! And Amelia often assures me that her baby is kicking as well. :) Don't even get me started on that topic...I can't believe that she's not going to be our "baby" in a couple of months.
I really didn't mean for this post to go on and on, but I just feel like I need to document this time. I have about 8 weeks to go before they'll take the baby by c-section. Sometimes 8 weeks sounds like a pretty long time. But our days simply fly by around here, and I am very much aware that it will be here before we know it.
Everyone says to treasure these times, and I promise you that I try (most days!). But it's like anything, you can't even begin to appreciate what you have/had until it's gone. When you're in the midst of it, life is downright crazy! And, rest assured, I'm not complaining...I fully realize that I have a lot on my plate. I have chosen this path in life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It is beyond sweet, and I couldn't even begin to count our blessings.
In light of all of the good things that we've been given, I'll leave you with this:
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
Thank you, Lord. Amen.
