Happy Birthday, Meredith!

Happy Birthday, Meredith!  You are officially ten years old, and it doesn't quite seem possible that we've had you that long.  However, my photo records prove that we've celebrated each and every birthday up to this point.  It must be true. :)  

Since we kind of go "all out" for 10th birthdays around here (I'll post about her party soon), I thought I would put together some photos to document Meredith's ten years.  

#1: Day 1.  Really practically minute one.  What our anesthesiologist lacked in timeliness, he made up for in photography skills.  Since she was a c-section baby, I have photos of her literally half in/half out.  They are some of the neatest photos (as long as you're not grossed out by that kind of thing).  This particular one was probably 5 minutes after she was born, but I just love how we're holding hands.  Meredith is a complete cuddle bug, and I'm not surprised that we're touching already. :) 

#2:  Six months old.  Such a fun age.  So much personality.  She was a very pleasant baby, and I'm certain I had no major complaints.  By this point, her hair had finally calmed down a bit, and we were starting to drop the nickname, "Crazy Hair Mer."

#3:  Age 2.  This photo was taken on her 2nd birthday.  I remember making cupcakes with little ducks or chicks on them for her.  They were kind of last minute, and we ate them at my parents' house.  It wasn't much of a celebration. :)

#4: Age 3.  Three fingers in the mouth, elephant in the other hand, happy toddler.  This is the point in life when we started fighting over socks.  We would have 20 minute battles over wearing socks or not wearing socks.  It was a huge deal for her for several years.

#5: Age 4.  Not battling those socks anymore.  Embracing sockless winters with the agreement that she didn't have to wear socks as long as she didn't complain if her feet were cold.  We found fuzzy shoes and boots that helped as well.  This was also the point in life when I wondered where my sweet little toddler had run off to.  These were some very trying times in parenthood.  Meredith was all over the board emotionally, and most of her wardrobe bothered her when she touched it or looked at it.  Whites and stripes hurt her eyes.  Pants were too tight.  Shirts itched.  Shoes were too tight. There was a lot of stomping, screaming, and crying.  She fought a lot of things.  This was a hard stage to navigate.  But she also had this soft, sweet side which is captured so beautifully in this photo.  I honestly didn't understand how two very different personalities could be possessed by one child.

#6: Age 5.  Lots of prayers.  Lots of patience.  A few clothing items that she would wear over and over and over and over and over again.  Taking into consideration that this child valued comfort above all and that she was ultra sensitive to touch and smell made life much more tolerable during these days.  It was a learning process for all of us.  Still wouldn't wear socks.  This photo shows her painting, and she just loves all things artsy.  

#7: Age 6.  She's coming along.  Still no socks.  Still no white shirts.  Still no jeans.  Finding more pleasant days than unpleasant days during this time.  That newest little sister of hers (Olivia) fully brought out her most admirable qualities, and they often comforted each other in their times of need.  I snapped this photo to get an idea of lighting as I was prepping for Olivia's newborn photos.  The lighting was beautiful, and I've always loved this image of her.  

#8: Age 7.  She's wearing socks with her tennis shoes...now this is progress!  She's down to having an emotional outburst probably once a week which seems like such an enormous improvement from the three previous years.  The Lord is kind.  Her love and compassion for others is shining through everywhere, and that littlest sister of hers is one of her very favorite people in the entire world.

#9: Age 8.  We've completely figured out the wardrobe.  Black knit pants and nice soft shirts.  We've come a long way. :)

#10: Age 9.  Kind, compassionate, caring, and as sweet as sugar.  Begs each and everyday for another little brother or sister to love...which doesn't surprise me at all.  Wears jeggings, socks, and several different shirts. :) Major growth spurt on so many levels.

#11: Age 10.  This photo was taken on Friday.  We hosted her 10th birthday party.  She played an actress in the drama for the evening which is why she looks especially grown up.  I'd be tempted to say, "Slow down!" But she's only getting better with age.

Meredith, 

You are sweet, spunky, compassionate, and creative.  Art and babies are your two favorite things, and your heart is as big as your smile.  You told me yesterday that you hope to buy an island house in the middle of a lake, get two dogs, and live there painting pictures.  You are so encouraging and such a great teacher to the younger people around you.  I wouldn't be surprised at all if you decide to be an elementary art teacher someday.  What a blessing you are to our family.  We love you more than you know. 

On a side note, I've thought a lot about what I might have told myself had I known that good days were on the other side of those rough years.  I don't know exactly what I would have told myself other than encouragement that is so obvious: This too shall pass.  

It did.  At the time, though, I think I was clinging to the most positive personality aspects of Meredith that I could see, and I prayed so often that those would shine through someday.  I knew they were there, I just didn't know how to make them stay.  When we made it through a day without conflict, I rejoiced.  I found a lot of comfort in my friends.  I found a lot of comfort in my prayers.  

I found that the more I knew and understood the things that set her off, the better I could prepare her for the next task or event.  She needed downtime, physical touch, and a lot of rest, not to mention she doesn't like to be surprised about what's coming next.  It's been a learning process along the way and continues to be.  

May I remember these things as we deal with all of the bumps, u-turns, potholes, and detours along this road ahead.  And during the quieter and more pleasant days, I pray I remember to take lots of photos and to be especially thankful for the beautiful landscape that surrounds me.  

the half marathon: the race

"Of course it's hard.

It's supposed to be hard. 

If it were easy, 

everybody would do it.

Hard is what makes it great."

--A League of Their Own

The race.

Want to know the greatest source of anxiety that I had ahead of the race?  Where am I going to park when I get there?

Seriously.

I was completely worried about it!  Thankfully, my sister knew someone who runs it every year, and she offered to drive me there and be my source of reason.  She's also a psychologist.  Some therapy was in order on the way down.  I don't think I talked too, too much. :)

I was staying with my sister the night before the race since her house is closer than mine.  I never go to bed early, but I was exhausted from the long day of preparing.  I went to bed early around 9:30ish.  I was supposed to wake up the following morning around 5:00, but I woke up around 4:30 and knew I wouldn't go back to sleep.  I got around easily and headed out the door.

Once we arrived, I realized that I had brought the wrong bag to store my things.  For those of you who don't know, there are nice people that will hold your things for you while you run your race.  Unfortunately, they had given us TWO bags in our packet.  I debated and debated about which one to pack...I thought about taking both, and for some crazy reason, I didn't throw the other one in my bag.  (Seriously, how much space would it have taken??  What's wrong with me?!)  They could have at least told us which color to use.  Although, it seemed as though everyone around me had chosen the correct color.  Thankfully there were some extras near the drop-off area for the newbies who didn't know which bag was correct. :)

I didn't know what to expect when I got there.  I always have to go to the bathroom 527 times before I run, so I was happy to see a line of 3,000 port-a-potties in a row.

On a side note, the funniest thing about the port-a-potties was that there were lines of people at the first 5 port-a-potties, and no lines of people at the other 2,995 port-a-potties.  My first thought was this:  these people can run 13.1 miles in this race, but they can't walk 20 yards to find an empty port-a-potty?  My second thought was along the lines of...the more people that use a port-a-potty, the grosser it is.  It was really a win-win to walk the extra few paces.

Anyway, so I found my corral, and I ate my banana (which I left on the ground outside the port-a-potty...it's sad when you feel like the sidewalk is a clean place to set your food), and I tried to act like the other runners around me...so I did some stretches, but I refused to do the warm-up jog like some people...that's just pure craziness...I wasn't going to waste any of my steps on the warm-up...I had 13.1 miles to go!  I listened to the slow songs on my ipod to keep me calm.  I said a lot of prayers.

Then, the race began.

From our corral to the start line was a bit of a walk, and people were running before we even got the start line.  But not me...or the guy next to me.  He looked at me and said, "We haven't crossed the start line yet, have we?!"  I said, "Nope...it's up there!"  Him: "Why is everyone running?!!  I only want to run 13.1!"  Me too...we stayed strong until we got to the start line.

Then, I ran.  I ran for 2 hours, 10 minutes, and 50 seconds.  Straight.

The first 8 miles were were great.  The next couple were okay.  The last 3 were pretty rough.

I had loaded over two hours of music on my ipod, and I listened to a lot of it during my run.  During the first several miles, I could have listened to just about anything.  The last few miles?  I needed some major motivation.  I listened to Mandisa's "Overcomer" over and over and over during those last few miles.

I knew that I wouldn't walk.  That was my main goal from the beginning, but goodness did I want to stop running!  I think mile marker 11-12 was the hardest.  I knew I still had two miles left, and I knew that once I saw the 12 that I only had one mile remaining.  It seemed like forever until I saw the 12!!

And then I got to 12, and I couldn't see the finish line.  Where was that thing??  Through the entire race, there were people all around me running.  It seemed like there were a ton of people close together after mile 10 or 11...more than before.  And then, all of a sudden during my last mile, there was a big space between me and the people in front of me.  It was only for a minute or so, but it was a weird feeling!

Crossing the finish line was such a great feeling.  When I ran my 10K a couple of years ago, I thought I was going to puke...I was dry heaving near the mascot at the finish line.  Thankfully, I didn't puke on him.  And I didn't feel like that at all at the end of this race.  My legs felt weird, and I could tell already that my calves were going to be majorly sore in the very near future!

I picked up my medal, snacks, water, and the like.  (The cookies were not impressive...I'm such a cookie snob.)  And I went to pick up my bag of stored items to find my phone to call Josh.  I literally hobbled up and down the curbs of the sidewalk to get my bag.  Those calves would hurt for days!

As soon as I had my phone in my hand to call Josh, I started getting emotional.  He picked up the phone and asked how my race was.  I couldn't even answer.  I was bawling.  I just couldn't believe that I had actually just ran a HALF MARATHON...thirteen point freaking one miles!

How in the world did I do that?!

When I crossed the finish line, I was eager to know my time.  I knew I had run about 10 minute miles through the race because there were clocks at every mile.  What I didn't know was the time on the initial clock when I started.  Josh was receiving text updates each time I would pass one of their checkpoints, so he told me that he would text me right after the race with my final time.  But, he didn't know.  The last text hadn't come through when I crossed the finish line.

I was almost in a panic that it didn't record my time.  Josh assured me that they would know my time.  I found my sister, and while we were on our way to breakfast, Josh called me with my official time.  My goal was to run about 10 minute miles, and I averaged just under that.  So fabulous.

Jill and I went to breakfast where I hobbled in and out of the restaurant, in and out of the bathroom, to and fro the car.  The worst part was that I drove our little crap car, and it's a stick.  Who didn't think of that ahead of time?!  My poor legs.

Anyway, while I was running the race, I was thinking that this was definitely the only half marathon I would ever run.  Then, later that day (and many times since), I decided that I would certainly put it on my list of things to do again in the future. :)

My calves were extremely sore that day.  They were worse the next.  It took me a good 3 minutes of walking on Sunday each time I stood before I didn't look like I was shuffling.  My calves were sore each morning until Friday.

This race/run will rank extremely high on my list of great accomplishments for quite some time.

In the words of C.S. Lewis, "You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream."

You know all those things you've been wanting to do?  You should go do them!

the half marathon: training

Yep.

So, after I ran a 10K (6.1 miles) a couple of years ago, I started believing that I might be crazy enough to try a half marathon.  I wanted to do it last year, but it just didn't work out with the events that we had on our schedule.  This year was the year.  

I used Hal Higdon's novice training schedule, and overall I was very pleased with the training.  Our neighbor-friends were kind enough to let me run on their treadmill for the first several weeks, and they hooked up a t.v. with both Netflix and Amazon Prime AND added an earphone jack.  Guess who was spoiled?  Me.  And I happily indulged myself with the first two seasons of Downton Abbey.  (On a side note, who has the remaining seasons that I can borrow?!)

About a month into the training, I had to run a 5K race.  Thankfully, there was a free one being held nearby, so I signed up.  About a half mile into the race, I decided that treadmill running and outside running are two very different events.  Not that I didn't already know it...I did.  I just didn't think it would make that much of a difference.  I ran the slowest race of my life.  This was humbling to say the least.  

Oh, hello, motivation...nice to meet you.  

Thankfully, the days were getting longer and the weather was improving, so I moved my training to the great outdoors.  I did a 6 or 7 mile run by myself and decided I needed some running buddies to help me along the way.  I knew I would never be able run week after week without a little encouragement.  I walk waayyy too easily when I'm alone.  

So, as always, my facebook friends came to my rescue.  My friend, Shannon, told me that she would be happy to do my 7 mile (I think) run with me the following week.  My faithful running buddy, Kristin, also joined us for a few miles (and Kristin did a lot of my shorter runs each week with me).  

Let me take a minute to tell you about Shannon (who has still not run her first official road race...she's going to kick some major butt when she does).  Shannon is a few years older than me, faithfully runs 3-6 miles a few times a week, and is a complete drill sergeant when it comes to running.  Throughout the remainder of my training, she encouraged me, often made me run farther than necessary, and refused to let me walk.  She.was.incredible.  

She ran my long run with me every weekend for the remainder of my training...7, 8, 9, 10.  The week we ran 9 miles was the worst.  We ran it on a Saturday evening, and it was brutal.  I remember asking her at one point how far we'd gone.  When she told me 3 miles, I wanted to lie on the road and cry.  We made it, though.  When I got home that night, I was shuffling around like a 90 year old woman.  (I almost wrote 80, but I was certainly not moving that well.)  My back hurt like it did a few summers ago when I pulled something.  I was actually afraid that I had damaged myself in some way.

I remember telling Josh that night (on the verge of tears), "I can't believe that I have to go 10 miles next weekend.  I just want to run the race next weekend.  I don't want to feel like this again.  I just want this training to be over."

I dreaded the following weekend.  I was out of town Thursday night through Saturday night.  I hadn't slept well Thursday or Friday night, and I didn't get home until after 11:00 on Saturday.  I contemplated skipping church just to get more rest, but I didn't.  All I wanted to do when we came home from church was take a nap.  But instead, I put on my running clothes, and drove down to a new area of town where we hadn't run previously.  We decided that we needed some new scenery if we were going to go 10 miles.  And we added an extra running buddy as well. :)

Shannon brought along her runner-neighbor, Cate.  It was fun to have an extra buddy along for our 10 miles.  Cate is super energetic and decided that we should line up and high-five any other runners that we met along our path.  This kind of fun was right up my alley.  I loved it.  I could hardly believe it when Shannon looked at us and said, "We just hit 5 miles, girls!!"  It felt like 2.  

The first 8 miles of our 10 mile run felt good to me.  The last two were rough...the last one especially.  I found complete joy in the fact that this was my last training week and the following week I was actually going to run my half.

I couldn't believe how great I felt after that last long run.  It was phenomenal compared to the previous week.  I was actually looking forward to my race!!

Next up: the race.

school year in review

The end of April and the month of May are always crazy busy in this house.  This year was no different, and actually I think it was busier than usual.  We threw in a homeschool convention, an out of town trip, and a half marathon along with the usual set-in-stone events.

I'm always a bad May blogger, but I see that I threw April under the bus this year as well.  Easter in late April didn't help. :)  I'm typically not a great summer blogger, but I'm hoping to change my reputation at least for this summer.

We had our last day of school last Thursday, and I've been thinking about our school year a lot.  Last year, I ordered all of our curriculum as soon as school was completed, and it was nice to not have to think about it all summer.  I'm definitely doing that again while things are still fresh in my mind.

Overall, this was our best year yet in spite of parenting a tween and a toddler at the same time.  The unexplored territory of the tween years baffles me at times, but we're going to survive (sometimes just one hour at a time, though).  This toddler thing...I totally thought I had it down...and then potty training reminded me that I, indeed, know slim to none.

Claire
Claire was an excellent student this year other than a slight hiccup in December.  She took complete charge of her math and her language arts programs and did an outstanding job.

For some reason, she was struggling to complete her reading assignments on time during the month of December.  She assured us that she would catch up over Christmas break, but we all know how difficult it is to catch up when people are building snowmen, decorating for Christmas, and drinking hot cocoa.

We put her on a strict school/chore/free time (or lack thereof) schedule through the month of January, and that seemed to do the trick.  She had no other problems through the remainder of the year.

I'm continually impressed at Claire's self discipline.  She often wakes up long before everyone else so that she can get to work on her math assignments while it's still quiet in the house.  I know that her motivation is that she doesn't want to "miss out" on free time when everyone else has completed their work, but I would have struggled to discipline myself at that age.

What is most shocking is that we now have a 6th grader.  When did that happen?!  We're looking forward to the next stage of the journey. :)

Meredith
Meredith was also a great student this year.  She continues to excel at reading and can often be found lying on her bed with her nose in a book.  I think it calms her.

Math is a frustrating subject for her, but she did extremely well this year while learning all of her multiplication facts.  Certain facts were continually giving her fits, and we did our best to work through those.

I'm praying that her attitude will be a positive one for the upcoming school year as she will be transitioning from me teaching her math lessons on a daily basis to her using Dr. Shoreman's DVD for her daily instruction.  Sometimes she has a difficult time with change, and I think she's feeling some anxiety regarding this.  I know she'll do just fine once she gets a few weeks into the program.

Meredith is a very willing student and typically gets right to work without much prodding.  She works right through her subjects and doesn't get distracted easily.  This is a blessing, for sure!

Amelia
I wasn't quite sure what to expect from Amelia this year.  She is so easily distracted and by far the wiggliest child in our home.  Despite my fears, she was a joy to teach.  Distracted?  Yes...but also easy to put back on task.  Wiggly.  Ummm...for sure.  But, thankfully, kindergarten doesn't require that you sit and listen for hours upon hours each day.

She was the easiest child, thus far, to teach how to read.  Claire was the most challenging, then Meredith, then Amelia.  I'm not sure if their personalities/learning abilities are playing into this, or if I'm just getting better at teaching it each year.  I'm sure the latter is true!  If Olivia is the easiest, we'll know it's my experience playing a huge part.  My patience was certainly better the 3rd time around.

Amelia loved math this year, and often requested that we do it first.  Her Explode the Code book was also enjoyable for her.

Olivia
Olivia did great this year as far as finding things to do to keep her busy.  I often gave her little activities to complete this year, but mostly she was just happy to sit next to someone and play legos, look at books, or color.  She has learned her colors, shapes, and numbers.  We've done nothing formal, so I can't take any credit for her knowledge.  I am continually impressed at how much kids learn just by watching and listening.

Last year at this time, she was very interested in potty training.  I thought it was great timing with summer break upon us, but she only wanted to potty in the toilet...no pooping.  This was not what I had envisioned when I began the potty training journey.  Have I mentioned that potty training is my least favorite part of parenting?  Because it is.

I cleaned disgusting messes all summer, and I gave it a rest in the fall thinking that she would come around.  We tried to start again a few different times.  No go.  Mess after mess after mess.  Seriously, a few weeks ago, Claire took her into the bathroom and told her that she couldn't get up until she pooped on the toilet.  She sat there for about 5 minutes and then pooped.  We all celebrated! :)

Of course, she's had an accident here or there, but she's been really successful during the last few weeks!  This is such a relief.  Everyone has been super encouraging to me, and you'll find me often saying things like, "She'll figure it out by the time she starts kindergarten."  But honestly, I was kind of doubting it on this one!  Thankfully, I think we've made it through the hard part.  And if for some reason we happen to have a surprise 5th baby...I'm turning potty training over to Claire. :)

Overall, it's been a truly enjoyable year to teach the girls.  They are such a blessing to our family and to others.  Even though they have their sisterly squabbles, I'm continually impressed at the way they love each other and truly enjoy being together.

Selfishly, I must admit that I'm looking forward to the next two years of having the same number of students to teach.  Middle school seems like a daunting task when I think about it too much, but we're just going to keep doing what we're doing and making changes where we see fit.  It seems to be working, thus far, so we're sticking to it.

I can't tell you how much I love summer break!  We're looking forward to park days, lake days, zoo days, and lazy days.  Hope all of you have a great summer as well!

eleven years

Whenever I look at photos from our wedding day, I can't help but think about all of the things that I've learned over the last eleven years.

When I was in high school, I remember wondering who I would marry someday.  I thought it would be so much fun to jump into the future and see a day in the life of future Jackie.  I wanted to see the name that I would sign on my checks at the grocery store.  {I find this extremely amusing because I'm pretty sure that I've never written a single check at the grocery store.}  I wanted to see my home, my car, my job, my life.  

I would have loved seeing my girls.  I would have been shocked to find that we have four.  I would have loved seeing Josh.  I would have been shocked {and excited!} to find out that he was my husband.  We met initially when I was 15, and I had such a crush on him. :)  I thought he was totally out of my league.  I would have loved seeing our home, but I would have been shocked to find that we only had one television.  I would have been completely unimpressed with the evolution of technology based on the lack of it in our home.  I probably wouldn't have realized that a large majority of people our age had flat screened televisions hanging on their walls.  I would have for sure been disappointed that I was driving a minivan instead of a Dodge Durango which was my future dream vehicle in 1995.  

When Josh and I got married, I thought I was ready for the life that was ahead of me.  I wasn't.  I don't think you ever are.  It's not possible to be prepared for life when you haven't lived much of it.  Experience is life lived.  

When I look at our wedding photos, I can't help but think that I was unknowingly two weeks away from landing my first teaching job, three weeks away from welcoming 24 students into a 5th grade classroom, and five weeks away from unexpectedly conceiving a child.  Oh my.  It overwhelms me just to think about it.  That summer seems like a lifetime ago, and yet where has the time gone?

During that four month period in 2002, I had graduated college, bought a house, gotten married, began my first year teaching, and gotten pregnant.  I remember people being shocked by all of the changes in my life, but honestly I just didn't know any different.  Life experience was certainly having its way with me.

There was so much going on during our first year of marriage that I don't remember a lot of it.  I remember not cooking much, mostly because I was so exhausted, overwhelmed, and inexperienced.  My mom came to my rescue and cleaned my messy house on more than one occasion because I just didn't even know how to keep on top of that 1200 square foot house {with no children in it yet}.  The thought kind of makes me laugh at this point.  There are certainly days when I still feel overwhelmed by my never-ending to-do list around here, but now I have daughters to help me instead of my mom.  I'm sure she appreciates the change of roles.

At 23 years old, I didn't know how steady that man standing beside me would be...no idea at all.  He's so steady.  So constant.  So predictable.  He doesn't waver about anything that really matters.  He's a generous provider, a thorough planner, and undeniably, my favorite person in the world to spend time with.  What an absolute blessing.  And other than the fact that I loved spending time with him, I'm pretty sure that I didn't truly know a lot of these things on our wedding day.

But I would learn.

At 23 years old, I had never cooked dinner 5 nights in a row, done more than 2 loads of laundry in a week, cleaned up a child's vomit, moved an entire household, bawled in complete helplessness over a sick child, had a gray hair, forced medication down a 5 year old's throat, completely lost my patience, changed 6,000 diapers, taken a child to the emergency room, read the same book what seemed like 63 times in the same afternoon, or fully appreciated the sound of silence at the end of a day.

In the last eleven years, I have experienced some of the most amazing things.  I've held four of the most lovely babies on the face of the planet.  I've felt overwhelming gratitude.  I've sang children to sleep.  I've owned and sold a business.  I've taught two children how to read.  I've heard the words "yuv you" from the lips of all of my children at age two and have decided that it never, ever gets old.  I've figured out how to survive as a wife and mother.

I've gained a whole lot of life experience in the last eleven years.  I know there is more to come, both ups and downs.  The gray hairs that have appeared on my head inform me that I do, indeed, have some experience.  The brown ones remind me that there is still a lot to learn.

These days are filled with more hard work, dishes, laundry, planning, and prayer than I could have thought possible when I imagined my future at age 16.  Yet when I take a step back and occasionally achieve a good night's sleep, they are also filled with more joy, thankfulness, and blessings.  I could not have ever imagined the goodness of these years, and while I had initially planned them differently, I truly wouldn't trade them for anything else.

What a true blessing it is to stand beside Josh and raise our four daughters.  What a true blessing it is to live this life.  Eleven years from now, we'll be in a whole different ball game.  Instead of just entering the tween years and ending the toddler years, we'll be ending the tween years and entering the college years.

There is nothing innately exciting about the eleventh year of marriage other than it's starting to sound like longevity.  Eleven is comfortable to me.  Eleven means that we're through the physically hardest days of parenting.  Eleven means that the emotionally hardest days are on their way.

Eleven is good.

{keepin' it real}

I've been thinking about this post for a long time.  And by a long time, I think it’s been at least a couple of years, if not more.

We have a lot of fun in this family.  We work hard, and we play hard.  Josh and I work hard to make memories for our children and each other.  

I say it on this blog, I say it on facebook, and I say it in real life over and over and over again.  We are so blessed…and we are blessed beyond measure!  God is good…all the time.

People often tell me how much they love to read my blog and my facebook status updates, and they also enjoy seeing the beautiful pictures of my girls that I post.  I love all of those things, too!  I wouldn't post them if I didn't like them. 

My continued fear, though, is that people will think that we live a perfect little life.  I sure hope that you know that we don't.  Hence, the reason for this post.

Let me start by sharing some self-imposed guidelines for my facebook page and my blog:

-You will never see me speaking poorly of my husband.  It is not becoming of any wife.  I will not do it.  {On a side note, Josh does have his faults.  However, I speak about them privately to him, my bff Deanna, or his family.  These are people who are discerning and will not take my side undeservedly.}

-I will put a positive spin on almost any situation...or at minimum find a little humor in it.  This is who I am, forever the optimist.  I might grumble about something today, but by next week, I'm sure I'll be doing my best to find a positive side to the story.  Whatever the case we'll be making the best of our current situation.  How else will we endure it?  

-I will encourage others and share what works for us.  This is one of my constant goals in life.  I realize that what works for us may not work for other families, but I crave knowing other people's routines and tricks because that's where I get all of my ideas.  I steal almost all of them.  Rare is the idea that was mine first.

-I will write about memories that I don't want to forget.  This is especially true for our blog.  You will see our highlights and bloopers because those are the memories that I treasure.  This is our highlight reel.  These are the parts that would make the scrapbook if I had one.

And here is some imperfect, kinda grimy, non-supermom reality for your reading pleasure:

-On days when we don't have to go anywhere, I often stay in my pajamas all day.

-If I don't dress Olivia during her first diaper change of the day, you can bet that she stays in her pajamas all day, too.  On a positive note, she has spent less time in her jammies than any of my other children.

-We use paper plates for lunch almost every day.  For $2 a month, my sanity is saved.  Well worth the money spent.

-Sometimes, I let my kids watch t.v. just so that I can get stuff done.  {You might not think this is a big deal at all, but I have issues with the t.v.  This one is a big one for me.}

-My pots and pans accumulate on the stove because I hate washing them.

-Sometimes I lose it and yell at my kids.

-As soon as I clean a room, someone messes it up again.

-My kids truly do enjoy being together, but they also know how to push each other's buttons. One or two of them are awfully good button pushers.

-My house looks clean and picked up when you come over because I knew you were coming.  Stop by on a Tuesday morning, unannounced, and you'll get the real deal.

The organizational side of me that you see has been born out of necessity.  I am not naturally an organized person.  I have good intentions, I know how to organize, and I can probably even tell you how to organize some parts of your own life.

Personally, I struggle with disciplining myself to use my systems.  They are in place, but my motivation and energy often seem to be in short supply.  Still, it is extremely beneficial to know where to start and how to go about it when I find time, motivation, and energy.  Again, I would lose my sanity if I didn't at least have a plan.

Now about our stuff.  {Another fear of mine is that people will think that we have a lot of money because we have nice stuff.}

I will be the first to say that we do indeed have a lot of nice stuff.  Josh works really hard to provide for our family so that we can have and do a lot of things.  He is also an extremely skilled do-it-yourselfer, and this man can find a bargain like no other.  We have saved thousands and thousands of dollars because of these skills.  {We have certainly not saved any time because of these skills...just money...lots and lots of money.}

Our finances are a huge priority to us.  We are awfully disciplined when it comes to our money.  I'll be the first to say it:  we are cheapskates!  We have a whiskey appetite and a beer budget.  Actually, I think our biggest problem is that we have a top shelf whiskey appetite and a cheap beer budget. :)

We aren't big spenders on a daily basis.  A lot of the nice things we have were birthday or Christmas gifts from our families or each other, or we've saved and saved to make a purchase.  We are not extravagant.  When we do shop, we often shop at resales/resale shops, garage sales, or get hand-me-downs from friends.  We are frugal, and it works for us.

My birthday dinner the other night?  That once-every-few-years extravagance cost us almost 2 months worth of our eating out/babysitter budget.  Trust me when I say that I enjoyed every single minute of it.  My commitment to cook dinner each and every night of the month has served me well this year.

Our priorities do not include "keeping up with the Jones'".  I certainly struggle with this from time to time.  I think we all do, but we need to remember that the Jones family is probably in debt up to their ears and miserable because of it.  We will not be that family.  We will not fall into that trap.  We will be thankful for all that we have, knowing that we've been given more than we need and certainly more than we deserve.

I will do my best not to play the comparison game.  It is my hope that I am real enough that you actually do see some of our struggles and challenges...we certainly have them.  I want you to be encouraged and to enjoy watching our family make memories and grow.

What you see is what you get.  This really is us...just remember that a lot of it is the best of us.  It's the favorite-edited-photo side, the we-cleaned-the-house-before-you-came side, and we-probably-baked-some-chocolate-chip-cookies-too, side.  This is our best foot forward.  Please remember that sometimes we trip and fall flat on our faces just like the rest of the world.

I pray that you see our family continually loving each other, continually forgiving each other, and continually falling at the feet of our Heavenly Father in thankfulness and humility for all we have be given.

Thank you for being faithful followers of us.  We love having you share in our memories.  

heavy.hearted

I don’t write a lot of heavy stuff on this blog. Quite honestly, I don’t feel like we’ve had a lot of “heavy” in our lives. We’re fairly easy-going people, and I try not to be too dramatic {although I have 4 daughters…they’re bound to bring us a bit of drama from time to time}.

In all seriousness, though, Josh and I have coasted along quite well. That being said, our family members and friends have experienced a whole lot of heaviness in the last nine days. I can honestly say that I don’t recall this amount of personal heartache in such a short amount of time…ever.

Last Monday, our friend Eric was admitted to the hospital after being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. On Friday, it was re-diagnosed as Acute Lymphatic Leukemia {which is a much bigger hill to climb}.  He's not even 40 and has 6 young children.

Last Tuesday, my friend Shel delivered a precious baby girl with Anencephaly. Sweet Delia Jean breathed on her own for a little over an hour, and then made her way safely into the arms of Jesus.

On Thursday, my sister Jill was told that her unborn baby had no heartbeat. 

Needless to say, I’ve prayed a lot in the last week. I am willing to go so far as to say that I don’t think I’ve ever prayed more diligently during any other 8 day stretch.  

I don’t find it surprising that these events change the people that are intimately involved. How could they not?  Words like cancer, anencephaly, and miscarriage are not taken lightly.

What continually amazes me is how much I am changed by observing these events from the other side of the fence.  I find myself squeezing my girls just a little bit tighter. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve held Olivia this week and truly given thanks for the fact that I have a perfectly healthy baby in my arms. Even when she’s crying, I’m not irritated. She’s here…right here…ready to be held, fed, loved, and enjoyed.

I was looking at a picture from my wedding day yesterday, and I was thinking about all of the things that I didn’t know 9 years ago.  That girl in the picture had such little experience with true love, deep relationships, true joy, and true sorrow. Don’t get me wrong…she had seen them; she was simply inexperienced on the whole.

Jackie {age 32} is being refined on a daily basis just a little at a time {praise the Lord, indeed}. I’m certainly no fan of the tears, sorrow, and heartache that accompany difficult seasons of our lives. However, I’m thankful for the way that it causes me to mature, prioritize, and grow into the woman that the Lord wishes for me to become.

Loss and sorrow are inevitable and unavoidable.  On the bright side, for those of us in Christ, so is joy...inevitable and unavoidable.  Thank you, Lord, for this.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

And this is where I find my comfort and my prayer.

rough.day

This picture pretty much sums up our entire day today. Other than our time at co-op, there were a lot of tears...by all of us (some...{cough}Amelia...more than others!).

Over the weekend, I was reading the book Steady Days (thank you, Myah!!) by Jamie Martin. She was saying that at the end of the day, it can be helpful to write down things that you're thankful for. It can give you a much more positive outlook on life, even in the midst of craziness. So here's my list:

Today, I'm thankful...
...that Josh will be home in about 30 minutes (he's been out of town since Wednesday).
...for the moms at co-op...today, especially Deanna and Danielle. I definitely needed to talk about random topics that didn't include cleaning the playroom in my house.
...for my sister because I know there will never come a day when she refuses to talk to me...especially because we debate such serious issues like floral delivery fees! :)

I feel just a little bit better already.  I'm also thankful that tomorrow is a new day.  Exhale.

baby.love

So, I've been thinking so much about this baby lately.  Last night I was longing to hold our little one in my arms and trying to remember what it's like to hold a newborn. 

I was thinking about how hectic life will be in our household when there is one more little person that is vying for my attention.  But what's new?  He or she will be the most needy and the least needy all at the same time (at least for a few months). 

As I sat on my couch last night, I thought about how Claire and Meredith will be constantly wanting to hold the baby (which I'm sure I won't really mind too much), but I also thought about the time after the girls go to bed.  I thought about one-on-one time with my new little bundle and pictured him or her curled up on my chest just snoozin' away (mouth open, of course). 

Being that this is most likely our last baby, I have mixed emotions about everything.  On one hand, I'm thrilled to know that in a year my body will be all mine for good.  No one will stretch my torso skin waaaaaay bigger than seems humanly possible.  No one will wake me every single night to eat.  I won't have to diaper bottoms.  I won't have to look at a high chair in my kitchen.  I won't have to lug around a baby carrier or a stroller.  These things I will not miss.

I will, however, miss this incredible feeling of having a child inside of me.  It truly is the most miraculous thing I have ever experienced.  I wish I could bottle up the "feeling" of carrying a child.  But I can't. 

I find it extremely interesting how I can read back through my blog posts and recall memory after memory and emotion after emotion.  But someone kicking me and rolling around inside of me?  In a couple of months, I'll quite possibly never live it again.  And there are no words for me to write that will bring me back to where I am today. 

Last Sunday, I had one of my photographer friends come over and take maternity pictures of me.  I've wanted them for all of my other pregnancies, but we never found the time to get them done (for some reason, we always seem to be in the midst of crazy times in our life when I'm pregnant).  I vowed to do it this time!

I haven't seen any of them yet, but I'm just so thankful to have gotten them taken.  I think between my last 3 pregnancies, I have a total of about 5 pictures of me pregnant.  I didn't want to let this one pass me by!  Even if I can't remember how I felt, at least I'll be able to remember how I looked.

Thinking back to my other pregnancies, I don't recall my other babies being this active in the womb.  I'm not sure if I don't remember correctly or if this baby is just more active.  I also remember getting almost a sick feeling at times when my other babies would move around so much, which isn't the case this time.  Maybe I'm getting more tolerant in my old age. :)

I had to laugh when I saw my pregnancy ticker say this week, "Soon I'll be too big to move as much as I can now."  I'll be surprised if this baby slows down too much!

Being pregnant with baby #4 has been the sweetest experience to share with my girls.  They have loved (and that's putting it lightly) feeling the baby move.  All 3 of them will crowd around me if I mention any movement at all!  And Amelia often assures me that her baby is kicking as well. :)  Don't even get me started on that topic...I can't believe that she's not going to be our "baby" in a couple of months. 

I really didn't mean for this post to go on and on, but I just feel like I need to document this time.  I have about 8 weeks to go before they'll take the baby by c-section.  Sometimes 8 weeks sounds like a pretty long time.  But our days simply fly by around here, and I am very much aware that it will be here before we know it. 

Everyone says to treasure these times, and I promise you that I try (most days!).  But it's like anything, you can't even begin to appreciate what you have/had until it's gone.  When you're in the midst of it, life is downright crazy!  And, rest assured, I'm not complaining...I fully realize that I have a lot on my plate.  I have chosen this path in life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  It is beyond sweet, and I couldn't even begin to count our blessings. 

In light of all of the good things that we've been given, I'll leave you with this:
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Thank you, Lord.  Amen.

crazy.days

So, Tuesday, I had an OB appointment.  I gained 8 lbs. in November which is, by far, the most I've gained all pregnancy.  My favorite part of the visit?  When my doc walked in, the first things she said was, "I see Thanksgiving was good to you!"  Love it. :)

The baby was hilarious.  We were trying to find the heartbeat, and he/she was not having any of it.  The whole time the baby was kicking and bouncing around trying to get away from the doppler.  I couldn't stop laughing!  I love my baby.

After my appointment, we headed to Steak 'n Shake to have lunch with my mom and my aunt.  Claire had been complaining of stomach pains all morning, and she wasn't sure if was going to #2 or puke. 

At the restaurant, they thankfully sat us in a booth, and Claire pretty much laid down most of the time we were there.  We had plastic bags just in case something came up!! 

While eating lunch, my mom looks down, and Amelia was pottying in her high chair.  Lovely.  Thankfully, I had packed extra clothes in my purse the day before.  Yay for being prepared!  I got that all cleaned up, and it was time to leave. 

On our way home, I made sure Claire was set up with her bags since she still wasn't feeling well.  We're about 3 minutes into our trip when Meredith starts complaining that her stomach hurts as well.  About 2 minutes later, she shouts, "I need a bag!  I need a bag!"  Totally pukes...thankfully in the bag.

Great.  I thought Claire was sick, and it turns out to be Meredith!  Have no fear.  Claire did not disappoint.  About 8 minutes later, Claire puked as well.  About 30 seconds after that, Meredith puked again.  Mind you, this was all in the van! :)

I was extremely impressed with everyone's ability to effectively hit their bags!  We had more rounds of vomit throughout the day and evening, but we all survived with minimal clean up. 

Thankfully, it was short-lived, and everyone is now back to normal.  The moral of the story is this:  Puke happens.  Potty happens.  And there is definitely a place in this world for plastic bags.  (I'm pretty sure I used about 6 of them in that one hour.)

glamorous.life

I just want to share (just for a moment, of course) about the glamorous life that I lead.  As of right now, it is 12:13.  I should be starting lunch, but I'm not.  I'm doing what I want to do...because I do lead such a glamorous life that I stop for no one.  Except for my toddler....

...who is currently naked.  She's potty training (her choice).  But she just had an accident.  Her second of the morning.  I've spent about 15 minutes this morning simply cleaning up potty.  And with her, if I haven't been cleaning up her potty accidents, I've been wiping her bottom. 

She potties about 4 times per hour.  I secretly think she just wants 4 skittles per hour (her treat for pottying in the potty).  What can I say?  She's a smart girl.  Again, back to my main point:  I stop for no one.  Except my 5 year old...

....who has completely rearranged the kitchen and family room into one huge tent.  She, of course, made it with the biggest blankets that she won't be able to refold alone.  I may just have to stop eating bon-bons and watching my all favorite shows later to help fold those.  When did she make it?  Oh, while I was cleaning up that last potty incident. 

Again, back to my main point about my glamorous life:  I stop for no one.  Except my 7 year old...

...who needs assistance with her cursive.  Otherwise, the name "Jesus" ends up looking like "Jesians" because she was looking at Ephesians while she was in the middle of Jesus and all of the sudden was mixing up words.  "Why do I have to use my eraser so many times?"  I don't know.  Why do I have to clean the kitchen 3 times a day?  Unanswered questions in life. 

So, here I am...stopping for no one today (just like everyday, of course).  I was barely able to squeeze in breakfast this morning, I'm still in my pajamas, my hair is a mess, and (gasp!) I still haven't brushed my teeth today.  Ick.  But I really don't care.  I have 3 (almost 4) healthy children to hold in my arms, a husband who is a rock, and families on both sides that I couldn't do without. 

Glamorous life?  I think not.  Beautiful life?  Yes.  I am choosing to love where I am in this world.  I am so extremely thankful for all of the ways we've been blessed...more than we deserve, and yet the blessings continue to roll in.  Incredible.

Please remind me of all of this when I start complaining about wiping bottoms, my messy house, and home schooling.  Because the time will come when I will complain...quite possibly later today. :)

fletcher.love

So, my parents got this dog, Fletcher, in March. Saying that the girls love him would be an understatement. They think he's the best dog ever.

Remember, once you had kids, when your parents stopped talking to you when they walked through the door? They started every conversation with, "How are (insert names of children here)?" and "Tell (names again) that we love them...oh and you too of course!" Really, they just throw that in to make you feel better.

Well, the tables have turned at Grandma and Grandpa's house....excuse me....Fletcher's house.

Meredith says to me the other day, "You know those people that live with Fletcher?"

I burst out in laughter. "That would be Grandma and Grandpa."

How quickly you have been replaced with something more exciting. :)

 

blueberry.days

Note to self....
Even if you don't think your 1 year old will be walking around the blueberry farm, don't put her in white shorts when you go picking for blueberries. She might just get tired of sitting while you pick and want to wander around (and eat 1/2 a pound of blueberries).

Not only do one year olds wander, they also fall down a lot....and plop down (unbeknown to them) on juicy blueberries. And, from the picture above, we can all be pretty sure that whomever named the blueberries "blueberries" didn't know what they were talking about.

Clearly, they should have been called "purpleberries."

We had so much fun picking blueberries with our cousins. We picked almost 6 pounds! We ate some, baked some blueberry muffins, and froze the rest.

I think we ended up with 11 bags of these for the freezer:

I love summer.

 

things.i've.learned

Here are a few things that I've learned while on my blogging break:

1. I don't have to blog to survive.

2. I get a lot more laundry done when I'm not reading blogs.

3. When Meredith "accidentally" pinched Claire, it was all I could do to keep from blogging about it...."well, my fingers just went like this (close together in a pinching pose) and then they were right by her leg, and then I just 'accidentally' pinched her."...Meredith trying to look as innocent as possible. I was laughing. Seriously, there are some moments when you just can't help yourself.

4. I had 83 unread blog posts in my Google Reader account. Again, people, if you don't have Google Reader and you read more than 3 blogs YOU NEED IT! Let me repeat...YOU NEED IT!

5. I also learned which of my blogs (on Google Reader) that I don't need to read. Those were the ones that I didn't bother catching up on this morning when I was catching up. I automatically "mark(ed) them all as read" without thinking twice. I think I'll delete them from my list in the morning. Don't worry...if you are reading this, your blog isn't being deleted!

6. I am no longer addicted to my blogging, but instead to the new Starbucks Signature Hot Chocolate: Hazelnut. Go ahead...click on the link and sniff the screen. In the words of Darcy...yumo. Saying that it is good is an understatement. I had two over the weekend. I'm currently wishing that I was holding another.

So, thank you all of my faithful blogging buddies who have come back for more Jackie. I had a fantastic weekend out of town with the husband and only one sweet little Amelia. It was so fun to cart around just one little baby. And Josh and I had an amazing two nights together just enjoying each other's company and watching some movies! Loved it. Thanks especially to our babysitters, Aunt Jill and Grandma Ice Cream!